Listening to road noise : when the thoughts come

Some of my most profound thoughts seem to come while listening to road noise. When the radio is off, and the other person is so wrapped up in whatever they forget you’re there. So your mind wonders and fills the silence with bits and pieces or whatever it is you did with your week. Or when you’re on a bus, sharing the silence with strangers, all comrades in anonymity.

I find myself staring off into nothing, on these jaunts, almost completely oblivious to everything except the voices in my head.

Have you ever watched Satisfaction? I have. I really didn’t think I’de like it, and indeed I must admit I started watching it for a very bad reason. I saw a trailer for the episode where the wife finds out she’s been caught. She rushes home and packs her bags and cries and cries and that part of me, said “Yes, you’re gonna get yours and I wanna see it.”

I watched it, and inevitably had to binge watch the whole season to fill in the plot holes. I got something I never expected. A real appreciation for the show. I found that I could relate to these two cheating people, and the reasoning that lead them to that place.

To wanting to be an individual, to needing to find yourself and define yourself, away from the construct of who society thinks you are. Indeed who your friends, family and spouse think you are. I understood the yearning for intimacy that Grace had, and the journey she and her husband had taken in loosing it. I began to see them, the people and their struggle. I had fallen into their story. And you know what happens then…you look up and being to question stuff, differently, you forget about those black and white lines you had all figured out and you have to look again, maybe add a little grey here and there.

Then I got confronted with my own public image, not the one I’d tried to portray, but the interpretations people got from that. it’s weird. I don’t know that woman that they speak of, I’m not that girl. At least I don’t think so. But then again how are they to know the lady inside my head? She doesn’t get out much, on account of her lack of social acceptability, or fear of being too acceptable.

It’s funny…how things come…listening to road noise.

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