Crying for me is an event. An occasion. Because it generally doesn’t happen that often. I mean everyone cries, but I generally cry for two reasons: I’m angry and have no other release, or I’m hurt and it’s better to cry cathartic than go off killing people.
But tonight ‘s cry is somehow different. It’s not the cathartic release of pain because I don’t think I feel any better, it’s not anger because it came after anger subsided. So my first real cry of 2015, was something else all together, something new and something I have never before experienced. I’m not sure I want to explore it, ’cause I really really hate to cry.
But I do know the formula that bought this cry about:
A long hard day + hunger + condescension + sarcasm + being a teacher in this day, time and place + self doubt = Crying
Ok so the first two are self explanatory, the second two I really don’t want to talk about, the 4th one is well, every teacher’s plight. The last one though….
Today a wave of “what are you doing are you crazy? Applying for scholarships, and writing books, and writing blogs? Are you crazy? you can’t do any of that” came and hit me like a Loco full of sugar cane bound for the factory. I don’t know where it came from but it came and that one condescending sarcastic statement just burst a dam.
Now I know I’m not the best person to deal with in such a state, given my tendency to cover hurt with anger. And I know that that is a very unhealthy way of dealing with hurt, But I am human and I’ve admitted time and again I have flaws…but let’s leave my psychology for another time, right now I want a cold cold beer.
I just needed to mark the occasion of my first cry of 2015.