Exaspirated

I have an awful habit of not giving up. Especially when I should. I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while actually. So When I say today’s prompt, somewhere in my head, the conclave of characters said a collective, “What the hell..” and gave me a nudge towards letting some of it our into the universe.

Now I’m not going to sit here and give a long laborious account of all the things I have inflicted upon myself over the years. That would just send my day spiraling to a bad place, that might include too much chocolate and beer, and maybe a sappy movie or three.

But I would like to examine why it is we do it. Why do we take on impossible tasks? Why do we continue even when the odds are against us?

In any given week I will loftily declare in the face of whatever insurmountable task that enough is enough. Even to the point where colleagues and family members alike take my rantings in jest (I have a tendency to be a bit dramatic sometimes), sometimes taking for granted to depth of my frustration.

I used to think it was guilt that kept me going back:

  • to work, because the children…or the obligation
  • to personal relationships: for my honor, or because I was committed, or because I was indebted….or…..
  • to public forums….because it is expected….because I can effect change….because…..

But the guilt has ebbed to something tolerable. A niggling of regret in the face of the heartfelt truth that I am only one little women who can’t continue to put others before herself and her offspring.

So why haven’t I put down the foot? Said Enough is enough and ridden off into the sunset? Because I know it’s not for the outpouring of praise and gratitude, or even the meager compliments sometimes given with such reluctance and sometimes disdain that you wonder if it was a compliment at all.

So tell me why I’m still doing it? I’m convinced I’m certifiable.

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2 thoughts on “Exaspirated

  1. Pretty sure we are all a little certifiable at times. Look at your commitments and cut out what is not serving you. You have only to worry about the good opinion of yourself from yourself. And for the record, I think you’re great.

    Liked by 1 person

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