Dear Miss James,
I went and saw the movie they made of your twilight fan fiction. Congratulations it was actually good.
Now I’ll admit that peer pressure got me to read these books, and indeed it didn’t take long so I don’t feel like I wasted that much of my life on this piece of literature, if you can call it that, chock full of grammatical errors, an anorexic plot, and characters so shallow they had as much depth as they paper they were printed on. my coworkers can attest that I spent the entire week I spent reading this loudly protesting and eventually finished only because I really really don’t like leaving books unfinished.
Now you may ask, “Why did I got watch this movie?”
And the answer is simple, I was jonsing for a movie, and Michele made me do it. But I’m not sorry. It’s amazing what can be done to a crappy story with some good actors, a theater full of humorous characters and the removal of 3/4 of the sex that was in the original story.
1. Dakota bought a depth to Anna that really didn’t translate in print, Jamie, please don’t walk away, I honestly believed you as being 50 shades of f**ked up.I mean seriously you guys just gave me so much more that I was expecting, and it was brilliantly done. I appreciate the little Edward/Bella thing you had going. Thumbs up. I missed some of the texts and emails that were exchanged but I’ll forgive that in light of the fact you only had two hours. The sex scenes were hot, yes very racy, but I read the books so I didn’t expect vanilla. So I went in expecting bad porn, and got something quite interesting, I also see why Christian had an obsession with feeding Anna in the books, I agree sir.
2. I swear the ladies behind us were the most unfortunate sexual beings in the world. No they did not read the books, and that was annoying to start with. But they related to the theater their take on the sexual experience which were frightening in a hilarious kind of way. So thanks for the laughs guys, you brought out the comedy in this film, and helped make it great.
As for the other people, you know who you are. The cell phone people, and the selfie people, checking their instagram and watsapp in the middle of the darkened movie theater. I wish I could borrow that paddle for you.
And who brings a BABY to watch 50 shades of Grey? What kind of messed up is your kid going to be? Think about it then go smack yourself.
and 3. It’s amazing how much sexier than the books this movie was by REMOVING so much of the sex. I mean really, I am more inclined now to go looking for some tied up spanking action that I was after reading all three books. There is a whole heap to be said for moderation.
So all in all, it was no 47 ronin, worst movie EVER, but it wasn’t a Top 5 or Wedding ringer ether. Falling firmly in the 5/10 range.