In response to A Good Woman’s – A Tuesday list of ten. Ten things I wish I figured out sooner.
- There is nothing short of death you won’t live through.
- Being overwhelmed does not mean I’m incompetent.
- Getting angry is sometimes necessary.
- Bring food and come naked is sometimes the only thing needed.
- House work, work work and all other forms of exertion will still be there tomorrow.
- Validation doesn’t come from outside. Most people can’t give it to you anyway, because they don’t have it themselves.
- Children Cry. It’s what they do. Sometimes they just need to.
- Treat myself. If I don’t think I’m worthy of reward, nobody else will either.
- My kids are not the Beaver, I don’t need to live up to sister June.
- It’s never as serious as it seems.
These are ten things no one ever tells you when you have a kid, or enter into a relationship.
Indeed many a night I have found myself in fetal position, eyes swollen retching agony onto this plain, simply because someone told me that I wasn’t mother enough, house wife enough, or woman enough. And I believed them.
I myself forgot that I was only human, working hard and hardly sleeping just to eek out a living that I could be comfortable with. There are still days I stop and wonder why I’m doing it. Because Lord knows I have little to show for nearly 10 years of thankless servitude to the man (who has sometimes been a woman) and his brother the side gig. Seeing mothering and lovering as some herculean task that needed some huge meticulous production. Not such a thing. These things are purely products of my individual situation and thus are dictate-able by me.
But see now I know, that feeling of tired satisfaction, those moments with the kids sleeping or giggling or playing despite it all, and of course those moments with the Chief when we just vibe, are the goal.
As we said in my Granny’s eulogy, life is made in the small moments. So those are what we strive for, find rapture in and hold dear. Everything else is just chaff, and the winds of time blow them away.