Double feature review with a side of judgement

Fair Warning, there be spoilers a-coming. We Watchin' Dem Movies (1)

Oh yes we watched dem movies. My compatriots in cinema critique went out in force last night, and watched not one but two of the best Hollywood had to offer. Here are my notes.

1. Terminator Genisys: I must say as a fan of this franchise from the onset I was not at all disappointed. I loved the nods to the first two movies. Honestly, if we are to be honest with ourselves Terminator 3 and Salvation were so far off canon that most of us don’t even count them among the movies. I loved to see the Kahleesi (I don’t or care to know her as any other name) I find was a good Sarah, and the new Reese also hit the man candy spot.

The John Connor twist was a heart wrenching one for me, though I thought it was pure genius to take his character in that direction. Speaking of genius, the set up for another sequel by switching up the timeline the way they did, was also awesome. Breathing new life into the already interesting story set before the original time paradox.

I liked the progression of age on AHNOLD, though I think the 1980’s scene would have been better served with some digitally remastered original footage as opposed to a real cyber version of Ahnold in his prime. I am willing to forgive that though, considering that the character had to interact, i.e. kick the butt of his older self. Who by the way picked up a personality somewhere in the time stream, all be it one with a positively delightful geek side. Who da thunk it?

Oh and how could I forget? They have elevated Skynet to new proportions by making him everyone’s favorite time lord. Well played sirs, very well played.

All in all with the default +1 for not being 47 Ronnin, this movie clocks a healthy 8-9, loosing points for Sarah’s softening.

2. Magic Mike XXL: Ladies only. I must admit I went for the…dancing, but ended up getting a fairly good bromance/roadtrip movie. With lots of laughs and alot of the original personalities and hard bodies I liked in the original.

I liked that this one wasn’t all sappy like the first one, not at all too deep. Even Mike after his midlife crisis in the last one and failed romance took on to the female lead, if you can even think of her as a lead, a big brother-ish kind role. I say -ish because it would be weird to classify it as brotherly after the final lap dance.

I like the branching of the characters out of Dallas’ shadow and into men of their own talents. I liked the new MC, all be she a bit cliche for my taste. I was disappointed that the boys didn’t do as much nakey time as in the last one, but then that would have detracted from the story I think, so forgiven.

This one did exactly what it was meant to, and left me with a grin to take home with me. All in all it gets 7, -2 for poor Tarzan, who was the only character to tug my poor little heart strings.

3. Here comes the judgement.

a. Dear Ladies, it’s not at all illegal to wear clothes to sit in a dark cold room among strangers. Especially to movie the promises to wet panties, who really are you trying to pick up? And on 11 dollar (ok CC y’all really messed up the alliteration with this price hike) movie night, do you really expect the high paying John’s to be out in force?

b. Again what kind of person brings their 2 year old not only to the late movie? But to one with such heavy…uhhh…adult themes? Why would you think that this would be at all healthy for this kid? Do you have no respect for the child’s innocence? As if that isn’t bad enough, you are so into the movie that you have no time to actually parent, as in not letting your kid wonder off to bother, and possibly be kidnapped by strangers in the very dark theater? Please turn in your parenting license and the kid at the front desk as you leave.

and finally c. Folks I can’t say it enough, you know why they use bright lights in dark rooms as an interrogation tool? Because it hurts, it shocks to retinas and causes strain and distress. STOP turning on your cell phones in the darkness, we do not need the light, this is not Poltergeist. Further, the amount of likes you get on FB, for looking extra hoochie before you left home, really ain’t gonna be worth anything ever to anyone, so please for the sake of my ever fraying nerves and every declining eyesight please stop.

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4 thoughts on “Double feature review with a side of judgement

  1. Gotta ask how Stephen “tWitch” Boss was as Malik in Magic Mike. In 13 seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, he’s been my favorite dancer. He’s married to another SYTYCD alum, Allison Holker. My CAT is named after Twitch!!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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