Someone said to me almost two years now.
“It seems to me that your life up ’til now has been in a constant state of crisis, my concern for you is what are you going to do when the crisis is over.”
At the time I kind of chuckled it right over my shoulder. Who in their right mind would not be comforted by not having to literally fight life?
A few months later, the inquiry took on even more weight and steeped yet again in another crisis of life, I began to think maybe he was right. Life and I had managed yet again to steer ourselves in to a time of harrowing physical and emotional turmoil. Now I feel the need to say, I’m not narcissistic enough to completely ignore coincidence and circumstance in the way the river of universe is flowing, but that time in particular there were lots of elements that could have been avoided if only I was a bit more intuitive and had less faith in my comfort zone.
That being said, when it was over, after months of introspection, I came to a conclusion. I was battle weary. I really do seem to have a knack to be a magnet for issues with dubious deadlines and I was fed up. Fed up of the constant cloud of adrenaline that characterized living, of always waiting for next debilitating shoe fall, what the Chief refers to as my penchant to constantly worry.
I decided that since I obviously couldn’t stop life from attacking, I could at least try to role with the punches, try in understanding that there were just times when circumstance and coincidence would result in bad things happening. For my part, I would not in any way shape of form do anything to make Life and it’s henchmen see my vulnerabilities, I would just bide my time until all things came to a sense of balance.
A time I could rest and really enjoy the peace. So I finally have an answer to that query. When it’s over, when I actually have the framework and stability I need, Life will still be throwing things, maybe not things as big or daunting, but it will still be throwing things. So the Age of Crisis may very well never be over for me, but I will learn to enjoy the calm moments to the fullest, just sit and enjoy the currents of good vibes flowing around me. Because those are the moments that will keep me sane.
I raise my glass to Life and the Henchmen, Coincidence and Circumstance. To the quite moments. Cheers.