To do or Not to do, in order to Be

I would strongly suggest that everyone watch the video above. Not just women, but everyone. I think that both sides of the genital divide would benefit from the discussion of how women are driven by today’s society.

You see the stately ladies speaking to us, have a point. Many of us are engaged in pursuits that after a time will be lost in the annals of history. It’s not that what we are doing isn’t important, it’s that at the end of the day they aren’t our burden alone, nor can they make up the things that make a life really worth it. They are not the things that, having dedicated our whole self to them, will give us that warm, full feeling at the end of our prime.

For me and my experience the issue is a simple one. I must do, in order to be. You see in order to be able to spend a little time with children who are clothed and fed, in order to afford the electricity to play the radio to hear the music to which I could dance for a few moments longer, in order to have a bed to lay in after we say goodnight and fight our way out of early in the morning, I must do my part.

Circumstance and politics has made it so that we women have to do our part, and for may, at least in my profession, it means 60 hour weeks. Late nights grading papers and pouring over syllabuses and lesson plans. It means sleepless nights of housework and chores and endless worry about school fees and bills and deadlines and due dates. Which would all be horrible enough, it only it meant that at the end of the day or at the weekend it meant that all the basic needs of everyone under my care were well met. Alas, the way life works that is seldom the case.

And the stately ladies are also right, in that technology doesn’t really help. Indeed it seems to only serve to make us more isolated. We are so plugged in we forget to look for or at the valuable moments right in front of us, not knowing until it’s too late that they even happened. We get absorbed in the rat race drama of it all, and question our own efforts. “Am I good enough?” we think. “Have I done enough?” We ask. “Am I doing everything right?”

The answer, based on the so-called social standard will always be no. So we push harder and try harder, we work longer and more exhaustively to keep up with inflation and image and tax rises and pay cuts. We work our asses off to compensate for the state of the economy and the criticisms of folks who either don’t know or can’t relate beyond what the media and technology has told them to be.

We find ourselves as women, finding what little sanctuary we can, in the most odd places. We find it in the chocolate we hide from the kids and our hims, in the toilet after we’ve snuck in quietly hoping that nobody will interrupt the sanctity of a good pee. We find it in the bottom of a glass in the wee hours after all are asleep or in the company of other tired women, over the sinful things we really ought not to have, lest we become less than attractive by society’s standard.

In the end we feel guilty for finding our safe haven. About demanding our time to de-stress or relax or find adventure or just vibe. For me and my experience, I still feel the need to atone for the selfishness of loving myself.


Am I rambling? Have I said too much? Has my internal monologue gotten too heavy or too depressing? Maybe, but I think it’s the beginning of me taking some good advice. I hope your sanctuary hits the spots you need it to. I hope we all end up feeling fulfilled at the end of the day, week, month, year, life. I hope it for me, and wish it deeply for all of you.


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