The honest thought of someone not at all impressive.

In response to the Sandbox Writing Challenge 9 – Impromptu Prompting

The challenge this week is to ask ourselves what we would do to impress someone. Namely this woman

Stephanie-flanders_2697401b

Who she is? I have no clue. Why she has that look on her face? Also a mystery. If she wasn’t her, a man, a woman, a creature from outer space, would it make a difference? Nope not really. Though if she were an alien I would be more inclined to find out all there was to know about her. Just the nerd in me.

What would I say to impress her? Well she looks kind of professional so I’m going to assume that I’m applying for a job, the only arena in which I think I should be impressive. I would list my qualifications, 8 CSEC subject, 4 or 7 A level subjects depending on who you talk to, An Associate Degree in education and a Diploma in Forensics, give my stellar references, and sit back. I might even mention that somewhere out in cyber space she can find that book I wrote.  But in that capacity that is all I find I would have to say.

Outside of that? Not impressed? Ok, no prob. NEXT!!!!

Sounds a little harsh doesn’t it? But hear me out. I grew up pretty much on my own. Only child til 9, nerdy girl in class, fat girl who couldn’t keep up on the play ground. Yep that was me. And it didn’t end in primary school.

That was pretty much me in high school too. The highlight of those days were the romance novels us nerds used to sneak and trade. We thought we were pretty awesome, but nobody else did. And that was fine, at least we had each other.

Then came college, in the british sense. A levels, and the angry teen I became fell in with the “dregs” i.e. the nerds who play dominoes obsessively. There was some drinking, a few seasoned rice cookouts, even what I can only now refer to as “the Cheesecake incident”. Fun times but pretty much times spent among the socially rejected. The ones who formed societies of our own and just rocked that. After that it gets kind of dark, so I’ll leave that alone.

I wish I had a picture of myself back then to show. A plump girl in a cream uniform blows, that ugly brown skirt down around my knees closer to my ankles, a pair of caterpillar steal toed boots, I kid you not, and floppy brown hat that hid as much of my face as I could manage. I hid, was hiding, and do so even today. I like being a face in the crowd. Yes I have a personality , and yes I say and do things, but even then my most overt exposures of self are within a small crowd of loons just like me.

Wait am I rambling? Did any of that make sense? No?….Ok.

I guess all that was basically to say. I wouldn’t try to impress, I know I’m not impressive. I’ve been told that all my life, how utterly unremarkable I am. By relatives and friends, even lovers. My shine has never been in the areas that anyone would find impressive. So why bother? Why care about impressing anyone? In a way, after I got over feeling all freakish, I realized the impressions of others don’t put food on my table or clothes on my back. My resume speaks for itself and for all other things, all takers are welcome except when they aren’t. It’s actually kind of freeing.

There is a down side to living this way, I must tell you though. It means you never develop some of those social graces the popular kids have, and you are left with a lingering social awkwardness. Well until you bring someone into your inner circle. You also don’t know what to do with complimentary attention, you learn but awkward kind of becomes a state of being.

No I wouldn’t try to impress, I don’t think I would know how to start. But I know pretty much who I am at the moment, and who I would like to grow into. And after all the time spent knowing that I was really less than, that’s pretty good to me.

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4 thoughts on “The honest thought of someone not at all impressive.

  1. Personally I think the people who know themselves, REALLY know themselves, are the most impressive people in the world. They’re comfortable in their own skin. And I get a wonderful sense of that from you. (Not to mention I LOVE your writing!) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lol Thanks Calen. Believe it or not you and Jane are more a part of my inner circle than people I’ve known for years. I’ve come to look forward to reading your blogs and seeing what you have to say about mine, suffice it to say some posts are more personal than some face to face conversations I have. I really do love you guys.

      Liked by 2 people

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