Ever wake up and just feel heavy? I mean literally heavy. Mentally and physically like you are carrying wrecking balls tied to you, only you can’t see them, and the strain isn’t directional so you can figure out how to pluck them off.
For me there was that, and then there was social media, all the “shout out to my haters” posts and all them “deep” thoughts all over the place. Suddenly everyone has to define race, gender, womanhood, motherhood, every damn little thing.
People don’t just laugh anymore. You know it’s bad, when your comfortable place, with the most relaxed people is a room full of stressed out teachers.
But then I guess I’m lucky to be surrounded by the kind of colleagues that makes going out to work not so bad a prospect, and make me actually miss them during the blessed summer.
But today I woke up and the world was heavy on my shoulders. The world was a weight on me and I could no longer stand it. I think it would have crushed me.
So today I let go of the heavy. I locked my internal struggle in a little black box in the back of my head and chained it shut for now. I’ve scrolled past all the external stuff, or walked away from it, or written a poem to get it off my chest and slung it out into the blogosphere.
And you know what? I feel like I can get through. Please remind me of this post in a few months when I’m chittering under a table somewhere hiding from the things that escaped from the box.