In response to the Daily Post Daily Prompt of the same name.
I have to admit that when I saw the prompt I clicked, for two reasons. Todays’ prompt was too much work, this one looked interesting if not a little dirty.
“Self” I said to myself. “Self,” I said. “why not get a little…uhhh…risque today? Raise an eyebrow or two, maybe even get a chuckle out of the responses?” Only to find out that what they wanted was not for me to tell you one of my dirty little secrets, or offer an opinion on a provocative topic, but just to tell y’all how I feel about public speaking…sigh…
Sadly for them, the two kind of intertwine at the moment.
You see I’m not the hide in the closet type, but I don’t particularly like speaking in public either. I know what you’re thinking. “Didn’t you say you were a teacher? Doesn’t that kind of mean you gotta speak in public all the time? Plus aren’t you like a poet/blogger? So what are we? Chopped liver?”
You got some good points there, and you know better than to think I don’t value you guys. So let me explain. The classroom is a very very different place, than let’s say, an open mic, or a performance hall. In the classroom I know all the content, I’ve planned the lesson, I know where it’s all headed. Add to all that that I am the teacher and are thus in control of the mood and tone of the room then I have absolute power, almost, and thus can rule how I choose, kind of.
Blogging is not unlike that. I know that people who end up here are actually interested in what I have to say. They want to be here, and that adds some level of comfort. Add to that that I am typing this form the firm bed in my kids room, while hiding from them no less and stealing a few moments from the dishes and laundry and dinner, under the gentle breeze of a fan, then you can see how I can’t help but be comfortable.
Come to think of it, I don’t think you guys are comparing me to anyone as you read, and I can’t see the judgement on your faces, so in my mind it really doesn’t exist. See comfort. Wait? Did I just over share? Yes? No? Ok.
But you see speaking in public is a whole other kettle of fish. I am a timid girl, not at all confident yet in her craft. Open mics expose me to folks I admire, folks who outshine even the hopes I have for myself. Public appearances, open you to the judging or curious stares of others, or worse the disinterest. The folks staring at their phones, or whispering in the ear of the chick/dude they hope to share a toss with, or the folks who look all annoyed that you and not their first pick is up on stage. It’s nerve racking man!!
Add that to reading things about tender bits creating friction, about heat and sweat, or heaving bodies and moaning, or about the taste of intimate places on a thirsty tongue, all without the aid of my erstwhile set of feminine wiles, or things from the deepest reaches of the dark places and it’s a wonder I even go to these things at all. What with my sporadic ability to convey these things convincingly and all…and well…you get the point.
But I do get up there occasionally, knees shaking, voice trembling trying to hide behind the mic. Most days it doesn’t turn out bad, I find a persona and become her and it’s all over after that. Other days I bomb totally, but once I’m off the stage I forget the horror if not the smart of the embarrassment and live to write another day.
So there, daily post, is your answer. No I’m not a hide in the closet kind of girl, but I’m not about to go streaking either. Heh, that wasn’t very racy at all was it? Hmm…gotta work on my innuendo.