Now some folks are gonna read this and scoff. “Restraint? Lol. Her? Restrained? Give me a break.” they will say. I’m glad for that, they don’t know how much we hold back.
But, Restraint, this isn’t about them and their perception of me, it’s about us. It’s about all the things we have been through that made us into the woman we are today and all the stuff that woman is gonna have to go through in the future.
My dear, first let me say that I am proud of us. Proud of the way we handled ourselves that day when that lady had that meltdown and decided to berate us, without much reason and degrading herself in the worst of ways. I’m proud of the way we haven’t punched that snarky chick who’s only facial expression when we are around seems to be the side eye, or the other one, you know the one I’m talking about, the one with the ‘personality’ ugh.
I have to say if not for you we would be looking at the world out of a little dank room with bars on the windows, so three hoorays for us, we made it to 31 without ever being incarcerated.
But my dear Restraint, as we head into the rest of our lives, we got to come to terms with the fact that there are some things which deserve our ire. They deserve a raised voice, some blunt truth, some heavy actions. Restraint, maybe it’s time we went back to that place, you remember the one. On that beach where we stood that night, under sister moon’s light, turning the roiling sea as black as our thoughts. After we cried and screamed and raged and decided maybe it was best we take a breath and bide our time.
Remember what we did, when Rage stepped out and reminded us of all the things that had lead us there? When Forgiveness and “Better” Judgement stepped up with that shovel and conked her over the head and we buried her in that bolted box, in a shallow grave in the sand? We though, we all did, that we were doing the right thing. Not just for us but for the whole tribe, because what good would come of starting a war? Or letting out all that anger, which might have lead to tragedy? It would have been disaster then, but we have grown, we have all learned a lesson or six, but in doing so we lost a lot of that fire.
Like during that argument last week, when we bit our tongue, when we should have laid waste to the city of ego. We should have stood atop those corpses of those silly ideologies and did a little dance before we rebuilt that person, and we didn’t, because we restrained ourselves too much, because it has become the way of this thing we are living. It didn’t do us any good this time, our heart will ache when it comes time to argue again, our thoughts will stir in dark places like they did last night and we have to fight for the will to see morning.
So Restraint, I’ll meet you at that beach, in that spot, with a shovel. I’ll leave the others at home and bring the blanket called Caution to wrapped our rescued sister in. But I think it’s high time we bought our fire home.
See you there.
In response to the Daily post: Shape up or ship out