Now I don’t know if it happens to anyone else, well that’s a lie, I do. It happens a lot. You don’t need to be single of childless either. You can be married and childless, single and child-ful, married and child-ful or simply alive. Some folks want to dictate, strong arm, and wheedle about the number and timing of when we have kids. They are bold enough to ask, then to pry, and even in extreme cases to threaten. What really can go so?
I have it on good authority that many men are under the stress of other folks thinking that them wild oats need sewing. Again relationship status not withstanding.
These people, these champions of procreation, tend not to know, or maybe choose to ignore, a few things about this baby making thing.
- We all say it all the time. “Kids are expensive.”It’s like the biggest deterrent we use to dissuade folks. The first excuse we come up with for not having any or anymore. Not that we should have to make excuses at all, but… Pampers, wipes, bottles, breast pump, formula, bath, soap, laundry detergent, diapers, clothes every other month etc etc etc. Dem tings cost money. If you know not my pocket or wish not to donate to the effort the take a seat.
- Time is precious, and so is sanity,especially with kids. Kids are a time suck, no matter how you look at it. They take it all, with the crying and the feeding and the diapers. Then with the homework and the raising and the punishing and the boundary pushing and the growing up and all that ish. Not only is it an investment of time, but a psycho-emotional one, ever think along those terms? All this time often means a drastic reduction in the available time for other things, like being sane and spending time with people who are interested in more than Disney channel, which is not nearly as fun as one would think it is. If you are not willing to baby sit then take a seat.
- Labor. It hurts like a mofo. No matter what the other people tell you, it’s traumatic as hell and you never forget. I can vouch for the fact that when I have to employ my vengeful, righteous Mommy rage, I dig into the very vivid memory of that pain. Well that and the morning sickness, and the back pain, and the swollen feet, the inability to navigate any space at all, etc. It’s that present in my poor poor mind. If you can’t go through the pain and discomfort for me then take a damn seat.
- I have a plan, having kids definitely requires a plan. I may not have shared it with you, I may not have put it out over the media, but I got one. It may not fit into the time frame you have for me, it may not fit into the deep insight you think you have into my life, love or otherwise, it may not even seem right to your sense of self as it applies to myself who is not yourself. But I got one, more rather we got one. So unless you put a ring on it, plan to, or are the person who I choose who may or may not have or have to, take a damn seat.
- And this is the most important one of all. It’s none of your damn business. Me and you are not in a relationship, that alone should zip ya lip. If we need to be more graffic then please be reminded that I as a woman and he has a man, were born with our own set of genitalia. Our reproductive systems work and nobody is renting one from you. Thus please keep thy nose out of my panties or his boxers. What I choose to do with them is between me and my bed mate. If you do not fit into that category, take the damn seat, bond with it, make love to it, and shut up.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a joke, it doesn’t matter that you are well meaning, none of the things in your mind that justify asking someone when they are going to, or implying that they should have kids mean a damn thing. What matters is if you feel so strongly about child bearing, by all means bear away. As for me, mine, the girl down the road, anyone really, is none of ya damn business, take a seat and stop it.
The only exception to this I think would be our mothers, who while annoying are mothers, they want to see their blood lines continue. Like the commercial says, it’s what they do, and we have to be respectful of them.
This iAntihero post was inspired by my Facebook feed, and is dedicated to all my friends and acquaintances. Married, single, dating, child less, or child ful. I stand with you, and hope you have the strength to tell those who would see your womb full for their own selfish reasons to take a damn seat.