X-Men Apocalypse: welcome to my nerdgasm

This is a spoiler alert. There are spoilers ahead. If you scroll past this point and read, you give up all rights to be a faecal exit hole to me about the spoilers.

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So…the first real X-men movie fox studios has given us. A movie that for once has not hidden, dampened, toned down or skirted around the power that mutants wield. I loved that. I did. I think that the adrenaline fueled fangirls and boys who produced, wrote and directed this thing should be given an award. Now. Like right Now. NOW.  Here’s why.

images (5)Visually this thing was stunning. The costumes, the scale of power, the everything was not only pleasing to the eye but aided the viewer in getting a real sense of the destruction that could be caused by these folks. It embodies for me what the comics and even the TV show, not evolution, the original one from fox, encompassed.

I was impressed, awe struck and my inner little girl was all hyper in her seat over this stuff. In terms of the way the powers and the people were represented I think the folks were taking notes when myself, the chief and all the other nerds in our little club complain about like every other X-men movie they ever made.

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The Villain here greatly exceeded my expectations. Note, I went in with my expectations as low as I could have possibly put them, you know given the rest of the series. But I was not only pleasantly surprised to see something other than a badly airbrushed foam suit, but that someone looked into the Marvel encyclopedia and gave us all the powers listed, plus some charisma, plus that ego maniacal fanatical-ness we all know and love in our little Apoca-waca. Well done writers, well freaking done.

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The horsemen were again superb. I was a little disappointed that my girl Storm didn’t show as much strength as she is capable of, but she is still in her infancy so forgiven. Also Magnito did things with those powers of his that made me wanna shout. Again he was the character that had me most emotionally invested, him and Charles, their story and interplay…sigh.

Let me stop here and say. To the folks who criticized Psylocke’s costume, I gotta give a grin. 1. It wasn’t as risque as the internet geared me up for, I mean have you seen the comics?

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If anything for it be fully authentic it needed to be a bit higher cut, and the actor needed one of those Victoria secret bras they are trying to downplay with their new ad campaign. But no matter how you cut it I don’t think they make then the way the comics depict them, at all, ever. 2. I don’t think it has anything to do with the wardrobe that made the character what it was, it was the actress, or the writing or the combination of the two. They could have spent a 5 minutes giving her some depth. They had time.

While I have you, let me express my disappointment at those so-called feminists fussing about the billboard of Apocalypse choking Mystique. You guys realize that Mystique is a hero right? That she is also capable and tougher than anything? That she must fight and in doing so she’s gonna take a few hits? I mean calling it gender violence is like calling violence against any female cop or soldier gender violence, when in fact facing those risks is part of the job they signed up for. Please take several seats.

i6gzgn I do find that I have something to complain about, and it’s not how they threw Wolverine in there, or how the Striker thing happened. But I shall not. I shall, however…spoiler alert…ask what the hell were they thinking dropping the Phoenix in like that? Since when is she, and intelligent being on her own, an inherent part of Jean and her powers? I cannot, will not, and shall not agree with that, or forgive it.

The rest of the hero team was well done, even Night crawler, if you can believe that, but they found to do that to Jean? It was not necessary and unforgivable, I assert, simply not needed. Smack yourself and go to the corner Writer. Think about what you’ve done.

For that, Psylock’s lacking-ness and the lack of humor, making this film feel kind of DC-ish I subtract three. See what you did? See why you are in the corner? 7/10.

Now you. Yes you. Guy with the locs, a row down and 3 across to my left. WTH? You whip out your phone and start watsapping shamelessly 5 minutes before and all through the movie finale? You didn’t want to see this movie? Tell your child, or your child date, to please leave you home next time.

As for all the selfies folks were taking in the flick, come on folks have we not been over this? CC I now look to you and your ushers to have these charlatans removed next time. Please please please. Luckily for us, they weren’t real Marvel fans so they all left when the credits started to roll and we at least got to watch the after credit scene without their deplorable detracting behavior.

Whelp that’s all for me. I went, I saw, I reviewed. What did you think?

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