Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Right in the childhood.

Is this movie even still in theaters, she wonders tapping her pen to her chin? Huh. OK in case it is, or you are waiting for the Pay-per-view or the DVD/Blu-ray, there may be spoilers ahead.

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Alright, so…the guys are back to face a new villain and their own teenage angst. It’s basically the plot of every superhero story to date. It’s the story of every single episode of the series. The one from the 90’s. I have no idea what Nickelodeon is trying to do with this new age stuff, but I guess that’s just a sign I’m getting old. As such there’s stuff fans have come to expect from the Turtles. We expect the different personality traits, we expect Master Splinter to give us nuggets of morality and wisdom, we expect April to be scrappy, and we expect these turtles to be all kinds of awesome and witty, while getting their ninja on. Did this film deliver?

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I think nostalgia must have rendered me blind and deaf through the first film. Because I do not remember Master Splinter be quite so pop culture, or so happy go lucky. I find he wasn’t the strong moral compass he used to be, for that matter, I kinda missed his strict parenting and staunch dedication to the Ninja arts. The Master Splinter I know would get his jollies but in a dignified and mysterious kind of way. Not so much here. He was more high fives and overblown enthusiasm. I guess that could explain the turtles lack of discipline and general Ninja-y-ness. Giving us not smooth and stealthy, but at times clumsy and just generally erroneous in the eyes of the long time fan.

Come to think of it, April, Shredder and Cassey were kinda washed out and dumbed down too. With little or none of the good old fashioned writing that drew me to this franchise. They were truly minor characters and as such were as easily dismiss-able as any of the extras featured.

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We got a new villain, care to guess who? I for one got all bouncy for this one, but I’m sad to report that they struck out here too. Making him more disgusting and highfaluting than actual bad-ass. To their defense I never found it easy to take him seriously as a villain, so maybe this strike out can be forgiven.

Now to the part of the movie that I loved…
1459241878318These guys were the best part. Their childishness, their dialogue, their retro (OMG the 90’s are considered retro, I am soo old) attitude made me laugh, the throw back to a better time broke up what can only be described as an, E for effort movie.

They were the kind of cartoonish this movie was trying to be. Did I mention that this thing was cartoonish? I could have sworn…OK…lemme explain.

You remember those movies where the heroes got beat up and looked beat up? Remember the original TNMT movies, where people got blows and were well licked? Well, not here. These folks were made of rubber, taking some serious hits and just walking away right as rain. I know Hollywood physics is a thing onto itself but come on. Like they hadn’t already twisted the knife into the chest of my childhood enough.

So what’s the verdict? Another Meh rating for another Meh movie. -1 for the sinking feeling of disappointment I got as I left the theater. -1 for Tyler Perry, what was that dude? -2 for being seen and all the filler that came with it. -2 for such a poor job on the non-turtle crew. Leaving it with a very not impressive at all 4/10.

They say you have to end these things on a good note. So I shall end by saying that the animation and special effects were on point. If it’s one point they got right it was that.

 

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