A reaffirmation of blog

 This is me. My name is Michelle. I’m 30 years old, and until last year shortly after my 30th birthday I thought that I had achieved nothing in life. I have up to an associate degree in education. I am a teacher. Doomed to thankless servitude. But I’m OK with that as long as they let me reach the full extent of a teachers capability, which they don’t so I’m a disgruntled teacher. I don’t own a house or a car. I am a disappointment to my parents. At least that’s what some of my relatives tell me., and I’m Ok with that finally. Having sat down and realized that my parents and what they think has been the reason for me making so many bad decisions in my life.

I am the mother of 3. 3 Unplanned wonderful little people, who make me want to pull my hair out, who make me so incredibly proud, and who teach me so much every day. I would kill to protect them, and will give my last to see them happy. I’m hard on them but, which self respecting mom isn’t?

I’ve had a few adventures though. I’ve felt my heart pound with genuine terror, and felt it swell with genuine relief and gratitude, break with sadness, and stop in the face of change. I have fallen head long into love,and fallen out of it, and back in again. I am a wife, for a little over a year now, and I grapple with that every day. I don’ know how to be a wife and all the conflicting advice doesn’t help. It doesn’t help either that I married my mirror image in male form, but we work on it, because I think we would both die if we had to say goodbye for good.

And I am here, because I have something to say, about everything. I like the idea of connecting with people who have something to say too. I like interacting with people, I like the feedback, I like doing all this without having to get out of my bed. But more than all that, I am here because when something happens in my life my first instinct is it write it down. I ride the bus, or sit, or anything really and words turn over and tumble in a torrent of thought, that I just want to put it down.

What point is there to writing, if you can’t share it with anyone? So I write it down, and I share most of it. Most of it because for all I am, I am a bit shy, but thanks to this, I’m breaking out of that too. A year ago I would have backspaced all the way to the top, and let this thought get buried along  with too many others, I would keep it all bottled in, for fear of what others would think.  But that was a year ago.

Thanks for listening.